When breath becomes air

When breath becomes air by Paul Kalanithi - 5/5

I don't think I have ever given a book full marks. This is the first.

Before starting this entry I literally had to take a deep breath to get my thoughts together. This post may not be of much clarity because I am still lost in the thoughts of whatever I just read.

First things first, I usually feel an immense pressure whenever I read books of authors who have already passed on and books about death (real accounts). No idea why. I still haven't figured it out yet. Maybe deep down I feel that people who have died, or people dying tend to see life in a different way, and if you notice they all tend to narrow down on topics which are very similar, regardless of what kind of lives they lived, whether they were rich or poor, famous or a nobody.

I always remind myself not to be the kind of friend/person who regrets not having a real connection with people who matter to me and just have nice and good things to say during their funeral. Or, have to force myself to remember the person and times I had with them. I often wonder why people only start loving each other once they lose each other. That is the dumbest and most wasted kind of love in my opinion.

I have changed over the years. Especially since 2015, after I lost my grandfather. (still feels like a few days ago) I have cut out people I don't want to waste time with, who are meaningless to me and my life. I have changed. I have put aside my ego and reached out to the people who matter to me and I am in constant contact with them. It may not be everyday, it may not be all the time. But it remains constant. I remind myself to do that especially since I have moved from one country to another, I have to be more diligent in keeping up my ties and responsibilities I have to them, be it as a friend/sister/whatever. I seem to be digressing.

The cover of the book says " Rattling, Heartbreaking, Beautiful ". I couldn't have found 3 other words to describe it. It delivers what it promises. The whole book was pretty smooth to me. I understood the medical jargons quite well (Maybe too many episodes of Code Black, or I am just that big of a nerd). I don't know if some people will get fed up with the medical terms as it is used all the time.

I am quite a tough person, I don't cry during movies and especially not while reading a book. This is the first book in my whole reading history that I actually teared up and cried for awhile and had to mind slap myself back. Not even kidding. I don't know why, but it just happened. It started towards the end of the book, I felt my heart start to sink when Paul says he does not know what to message to leave to his newly born daughter except for :

"When you come to one of the many moments in life where you must give an account of yourself, provide a ledger of what you have been, and done, and meant to the world, do not, I pray, discount that you filled a dying man's days with a sated joy, a joy unknown to me in all my prior years, a joy that does not hunger for more and more but rests, satisfied. In this time, right now, that is an enormous thing. "

Then when it came to the Epilogue, written by his wife, the tears just started flowing. I don't know why or how to explain. Just read it to feel it. It could be because I understand how special a bond between a husband and wife is. It can never be compared to any relationship in this world. I don't want to quote anything else from the book because I don't want to spoil it for those of you who have yet to read it.

Don't. Hesitate. To. Read. It!

Every time I think of Paul, I get reminded of the song "Imagine by John Lennon". It has been replaying all day today.

Death always comes unannounced. Treasure and love the people who matter to you.

This post has been pretty dark, but I guess death is something both you and I have to go through eventually. Go get the book. I'm sure you will feel different after reading it (NOT IN A MORBID WAY).

P.s. I wasn't paid for advertising this book, in case you were wondering. lol. True account of what I took away from reading it.

Love,

Naia

#whenbreathbecomesair #paulkalanithi