The power of words

Hey guys,

I had a conversation with a friend a couple of days back. I was meaning to blog about it but our meeting took place first, so if you are reading this (you know who you are) just bear with the similar content :p

People nowadays can be quite insensitive towards you, or others. I feel if you come across such people, please do not hesitate to tell them off gently. In the past (pretty recent), say till about 2 or 3 years back, I used to get affected by whatever people said about me. Given my character, or the vibe I give off, people used to say harsh things to me, probably with the misconception that I wouldn't mind, or don't care. Contrary to what they believe, I used to take everything very personally and even though it might not be seen on the outside, I can get very hard on myself and was guilty of questioning myself things like why that certain someone thinks of me in such a way or brood upon their comments on the things I share with them. It would get into my head and I would drive myself nuts. Sometimes I go to the extent of going all out to prove them that they are wrong about me, or explain why I did such and such a thing or why I reacted in whichever way.

That is the past. Maybe I have been put down and mentally abused too many times that right now at this stage of my life, I no longer give a flying banana about what people have to say. I have learned to block out their comments, because I feel I am the one living my life, and they are not contributing to it in any which way. I have shut off negative people in my life and I no longer have space for negativity. The minute I sense negativity, I move back and I let them say whatever they want but it always falls on deaf ears.

I also want to remind you, and myself at the same time about the things we say to other people. Sometimes people come to us, asking us for advise, or for some sort of courtesy or obligation sake, they update you on their next stage of life. Even though sometimes your advise may come from a place of nothing but pure concern, please be gentle and filter what comes out from your mouth before those words are transferred into the other person's ears. You never know what kind of state the person is when he/she is speaking to you about their situation or problem. They might be confused, stressed, lost and vulnerable. If they choose you to share their vulnerability with, then please show them the same vulnerability back.

For an example, if a friend has been looking for a job for a certain period of time, and you are concerned about it, don't say things like:

"It has been such a long time already, and still nothing?"

"You sure you're sending out resumes everyday?"

"Can't be for so long and still nothing?"

Instead, you can choose to say:

"Don't worry. Certain things take time."

"Keep trying, something will work out (p.s. which is always true!)"

"Just hang in there and keep trying, make sure you're sending it to the right places"

Or if someone is having a hard time in their relationship, don't say things like:

"Why are you always having relationship problems?"

"You never learned from your mistakes until now?"

"Just break up, and move on. Your mourning period is over."

Instead, you can choose to say:

"Take your time to get over it"

"If you need me, I'm here for you"

"Relationships fall apart all the time, it might not be yours or your partners fault"

"You are a good person, maybe this relationship was just not good for the both of you"

"Time heals"

I hate it when people make use of the friendship or closeness they have with each other and think it's okay to be rough with the person. Yes, sometimes, people can be stubborn and they won't listen to your advise. But your words can affect them and make them feel even more lousy than they actually have to feel about themselves.

I think when we all reach a certain age, we have to develop this thing called "personal skills" and have a certain level of empathy when we speak to fellow human beings. The world is harsh out there on its own. We don't have to create and be little monsters towards each other, especially if we are supposed to be important to the other person.

Live in a way that you are remembered as the person who pulled someone up together with yourself instead of someone that people are scared to ask for advise in fear that they will feel worthless or stupid in your eyes.

Remember, what they say , that people may not remember what you did, but they will always remember how you made them feel? It is true.

I know people say words can't bring me down, or whatever along that line. I agree words are just words, but words mean something. And sometimes, people never forget certain lines that you use on them.

I don't take shit from anyone anymore. Neither do I go all out to explain or defend myself. For me it's like, if you wish to form your opinion about me, that's your problem, and don't make your problem mine.

With that said, we all should thread a little lightly when it comes to speaking to our peers, especially when they are down. Don't pour fuel to the flame, and don't go around ripping the bandages off other people's wounds, when the wound is still healing and more importantly, because it is not your job to rip the bandage off, when the wound isn't yours to start with.

Love,

Naia